Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The most valuable thing I own? Old letters and notes passed in the hallways from high school. Little fancy folded tid bits from the past. It is almost like stealing back a moment from time. Almost like a song sends you back to the moment. Old letters from friends send you right back to the moment with all the intimate details in tact. Who said what about whom all in black and white, or red or purple or whatever color the pen was you "stole" from the person that you had borrowed it from cause you had forgotten yours. I actually keep them in a bag under my bed. I have since I started keeping them in high school. I didn't keep all of them because God knows their must have been hundreds. And I didn't keep everybody's. Just what I guess you would call "the special ones, the good ones and of course the juicy ones". Most of those came from my best friend. Been friends since 3rd grade. Still my very best friend today. These old letters give you a glimpse of who you were through others eyes before life got in the way. Life being bills, responsibility, husbands, jobs, careers, kids what have you. It all just seems to take YOU over. Sometimes you forget just who you were before all that happened. You were not just willing to settle or accept, just because society tells you that you should. You took what you wanted out of life, you didn't wait to see what you'd be handed. The fire of innocence untainted by society. Now as I said these letters are in a bag under my bed. About every 3 to 5 yrs or so I pull them out, dust off the ripped up cruddy old bag they are in and sit down and read them. Some make me laugh, some make me cry, and some just plain confuse me not remembering all the little "code words" and "code names" we had for anything or anyone that may read it were it to get lost. Such boldness in our tones as we bitched about how awful our parents were and how unfair it was that we had gotten grounded for only being 45 min past curfew. Such heartache in the tone as we poured our tears out over the latest teenage heartbreak. So willing to give away our hearts back then. But most of all I realize when I read these letters, is that we were never bored. Never stagnant. We were always going and doing something. We were definitely cooler than we thought we were back then. We took life and all it had to offer by the horns and rode it like a bull. Then somewhere along the way, life takes over who you are. Sitting down every few years and reminding myself of who I was, makes me analyze what I have become and helps me to take back who I am. Old letters. Definitely the most valuable thing I own.

I read those letter last night. I woke up this morning and noticed a beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman getting dressed in my bedroom mirror. I gladly welcomed her home.

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