Friday, May 06, 2005

Jealousy...the worst of all emotions to have to feel. Why? I think because it is the forbidden. It is bad. A person is not supposed to be jealous. There is a right time to be sad, a right time to be angry, and a right time to grieve. It is ok to feel and express all of those emotions...but jealousy. "We should be thankful for what we have". "The grass isn't always greener on the other side". Yeah. Whatever. I hate that I feel it, but I do. I cringe when I know the feelings are coming on. I can no longer concentrate on conversation or whatever else is going on around me. I slip into my own. I have conversations with myself. Silently scolding myself for feeling this way. Yet unable to not feel this way. Totally out of all control of it. It can be triggered by the simplest of things. A look. A thought. A simple sentence in a conversation. And BAM! You feel it. It comes shooting through your body like a bullet. Fast and slightly painful. Then it begins to settle in as a dull ache. Accepting the uncontrollable, I slowly slip back into my surroundings. No one has even noticed. Such a powerful feeling to feel, yet no one notices your private pain. The forbidden feelings of jealousy.


Anonymous said...

Sorry little lady, you share so much with all of us, you make us happy, you make us think, you make us hot, my heart aches for you. Try a new hair do, try some expensive clothes, try a trip to the amusement park, you can get his attention back. Hug, hug.

Brandy said...

So sweet you are...glad to hear you enjoy my posts.